Does the Fight for Marriage Really Matter?

Thursday, May 17, 2012 by Terri Stovall

In recent months, marriage has taken center stage both on the national level and in discussions among believers.

Last week, North Carolina voters approved a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriages and joined 30 other states that have already done the same. North Carolina went so far as to ban civil unions recognizing marriage as the only legal domestic partnership.

After this historic vote, President Barack Obama declared his support for homosexual marriages citing his opinion had evolved through the years, which, in turn, set off a rapid-fire response of both praise and condemnation from all sides.

We can all agree that marriage has become a hot-button topic of our nation especially in this key political year.  But lest we believe that the heated debates about marriage are limited to politics and secular news agencies, consider the discussions happening within the churches. Recent topics have included divorce, cohabitation, sexual behavior in the bedroom, sex-trafficking, prostitution, and should we even throw in the “S word” . . . Submission. Each of these topics has an affect on the marriage and sexual relationship between man and woman.

Many will look at the debates in both arenas as fighting against a particular behavior or group of people. In our churches, we may see ourselves determining how close to the line can we really get without going too far or adjusting our beliefs because of an experience in our own families. Is the biblical model of marriage worth fighting for?  What is the harm in allowing individuals to decide what their marriages look like?  Does it really matter?

My answer to this question is a firm, loud, and resonating battle cry of Yes!  The biblical model of marriage is worth fighting for, not just for the sake of families, but also for the sake of the gospel.

God created marriage for many reasons that benefit us as human beings. Marriage provides relationship, procreation, and intimacy. But, he also created marriage as a way to display the message and essence of the gospel in a way that mankind could get it.   As Mary Kassian stated in a recent address for True Woman :

God created manhood, womanhood, marriage, and sex because He wanted us to have symbols and images and language powerful enough to convey the idea of who He is and what a relationship with Him is all about. Without manhood and womanhood, marriage and sex, we’d have a tough time understanding concepts like desire and love, commitment, fidelity, infidelity, loyalty, jealousy, unity, intimacy, marriage, oneness, covenant, family. We would have a tough time understanding God and the gospel.

Marriage is a picture of the gospel that offers a beautiful, real life, 24/7, with skin-on, portrayal of Christ’s work of redemption, the relationships within the Trinity, and the image of God.

Is there any wonder why the evil one is on a constant attack to distort what God intended marriage to be?  His ways haven’t changed since his first attempt to distort God’s instructions in the garden. (Gen 3)

How exactly does marriage portray all this?  We can trace that picture throughout the whole of scripture. But for today, let’s just consider Ephesians 5:22-33.  These verses, that conclude the fifth chapter of Ephesians, serve as a continuation of the command in verse 1 to “Be imitators of God.”

Vs. 22-24 – “Wives submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord . . .” If we are to imitate Christ in submission to our own husbands, the best place to see what that looks like is Philippians 2:5-8 where Christ’s willful submission to the Father is so beautifully described.  The phrase “as to the Lord” in connection with the remaining verses sets marriage as a reflection of the relationship between Christ and the church. That puts a whole new meaning and purpose to submission. It is not just a good idea or even step one in “Seven steps to a happy marriage.” It is much loftier than that. The biblical model of marriage places wives as a picture that parallels the relationship of Christ to church.

Vs. 25-31 – “Husbands love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her. . . “ The love of a husband is to be a sacrificial love that imitates the sacrificial love of Christ for us.  But, even further, note that Paul goes on to speak about the one flesh relationship. Marriage brings men and women into such an intimate relationship, that it is as if they have become a single person. A husband does not wish to hurt his own flesh and thus does not wish to hurt his wife because she is “bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh.”  (Gen 2:23)  Just as the wife reflects the relationship of Christ to the church, so too does the husband. Christ loves and gave Himself for the church because the church is, in fact, His body.

Vs.  32-33 – “This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.” It is only through the work of God can one understand how a wife chooses to submit and respect, or how a husband can lead and love with a sacrificial love.

Only as a marriage is built on the foundation of truth and the model given by God, can we then understand that it is not about us but about Him. God has staked His name and reputation on the picture that marriage portrays.

Anything that distorts that picture, whether homosexual marriage, questionable sexual behavior within the marriage, cohabitation, divorce, adultery, a failure of the husband to lead or a wife choosing not to graciously submit, distorts the picture of the gospel displayed to the world.  It does not change the gospel, but it does change the message that we, as believers, are able to declare to a lost world.

President Obama stated that his view has been evolving toward his conclusion to endorse gay marriage. Before we, as believers and the church, critique him for such an evolution, perhaps we should take a check of our own stance and beliefs. Has our view of marriage begun to evolve as well for the sake of not alienating others or to placate the uncomfortableness of our own less than ideal experiences with the resulting consequence of distorting the pure picture of the gospel God created? Are we okay to let a biblical model of marriage become adapted so as not to offend under the guise of being able to reach others for Christ?

As John Piper tweeted just this week, “Muting unacceptable truth as a means of evangelism cannot build the church which is the pillar and bulwark of the truth.”

We are called to declare truth and God’s truth for marriage and the relationships between men and women are no exceptions. This is not a cultural issue that can evolve over time. Yes, the biblical model of marriage is worth fighting for . . . .not just for the family but, almost more importantly, for the sake of the gospel.

Terri Stovall serves as the Dean of Women’s Programs at Southwestern Seminary. She co-authored the book Women Leading Women. Terri and her husband Jay enjoy riding motorcycles and roller coasters. Connect with Terri on Facebook or Follow her on Twitter!

 

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Raising Your Children Without Raising Your Voice

Tuesday, May 15, 2012 by Elizabeth Owens

…Wow!  Is that even possible? There is only one way that I know to do that.  It is to teach your children to have proper respect for the authorities God has placed over them, and then to teach them to obey the first time.

The first verse we ever had our children memorize was John 3:16.  The second was Ephesian 6:1, which states, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.”  Children being raised to love God and His Word learn from this verse that obedience to parents is something God commands them to do. 

From that beginning they need to be taught that obedience means obeying immediately.  Our children need to hear about the people in the Bible who immediately obeyed God or those in authority over them.  Four biblical heroes come to mind. Noah was told to build an ark in Genesis 6.  There is no record of his questioning God or waiting for a “better” time; he began after God gave him the plans, and worked diligently to complete them. Abraham was commanded by God to do several things: leave his country (Gen. 12) and sacrifice his son (Gen. 22.)  In both instances the very next verses show that Abraham obeyed immediately.  Ruth and Miriam both obeyed other people.  Miriam obeyed her mother by watching her baby brother Moses (Ex. 2), and Ruth followed the counsel of Naomi in approaching Boaz (Ruth 3.)

The truth is that children can be trained to develop self-discipline to obey their parents immediately and cheerfully.  The harder truth is that this demands self-discipline and self-sacrifice on the part of the parents.  It demands knowing your child, establishing routines – especially with preschoolers – and thinking before you speak.

Too often we train our children to disobey. 

Let me give you an example.  Mom wants to run some errands.  She tells Johnny to put his toys away so they can go, and then she works to collect all she needs to take with them.  Johnny is having a great time with his toys and doesn’t want to quit playing – so he doesn’t.  In a few minutes Mom tells him again to put his toys away and keeps working on her own concerns.  After this is repeated two or three more times Mom’s voice begins to raise, and she finally yells at Johnny and tells him to obey now!  Johnny is very smart and he has learned his mother well.  He knows just the level of loudness that his Mother’s voice will get to before she finally intervenes with his behavior in a way that is unpleasant to him. (Some mothers prefer to count, but their equally smart children know just what fraction of “2” is Mom’s real disobedience limit.) He will usually “obey” just before she gets to that level.  In essence, his mother has trained him to disobey until she gets to that magic loudness level.  This is unpleasant for Mom, and not helpful to Johnny. So what is the alternative?  It begins with Mom, developing her own self-discipline and then re-training her son. 

Mom, when you tell your child to do something you need to be prepared to drop whatever you are doing to deliver consequences if you are not obeyed immediately. 

You also need to learn to assess your child’s situation to see that you are creating the best possible environment for him to be able to obey.  Let me explain. It is very hard for me to pull myself away from something I am enjoying without warning, so I have great empathy for the child who is suddenly told to pick up his toys in order to do something else.  He may do better if he is told that he will be running errands with Mom soon, that he has 10 more minutes to play, and that then Mom will ask him to put his toys away.  This lets him wind down his play a bit, and be ready to obey. We used to set a timer for 10 minutes before our oldest child had to put his toys away for bed, and we found this made a huge difference in his willingness to obey and his happiness in doing so.

Some children do not obey because they do not seem to “hear” when their parents give them directions.  If you have one of those children you need to be very careful to make sure that he has heard you – the first time.  This may involve getting him to look at you while you give him directions. It may also mean you ask him to repeat the directions back to you, so you know that he has heard and that he understands.

Children have a harder time obeying cheerfully when they are hungry or tired.  Just seeing that your children have meals and snacks at routine times, and that they get adequate rest during the day and at night, goes a long way toward helping them to obey without whining or fussing.  Knowing that these needs are being managed will keep Mom from excusing disobedience by saying that he can’t help it, poor thing, because he is tired or hungry.  The truth is, children need to obey even when they are tired and hungry, and if you have developed the habit of obedience in them already it will be easier for them to do so at those times.  They do not need to be taught that there are excuses for disobedience.

“But I’ve been doing this all wrong,” you cry.  “My children don’t do what I say until I yell at them.  How do I change this?” 

First you need to ask God to forgive you for training your children to disobey.  Then you need to ask Him for wisdom and self-discipline to change your behavior so you can help them to change theirs. 

 With younger children, this begins immediately.  With older children, you may need to sit down with them and confess that you have been allowing them to disobey, but the Bible says they need to obey, so you are going to do things differently, and are going to help them learn to obey God by obeying you.  This means obeying the first time.  Then you need to be prepared to drop everything to carry this through consistently.  The first couple days may be rough, as your child learns that you mean what you say.  It is hard work, but your child is worth it.

There is joy in obedience, in ours to the Father, and in your child’s to you.  Praise your child lavishly as he is learning to obey you the first time.  Brag on him to Dad, and to grandparents, about how well he is doing in learning to obey.  Play obeying games (a modified Simon Says) with lots of laughter and even silliness. 

The end results will be an obedient child who may find it easier to obey God as he gets older because he has learned to obey his parents in his youth. It will be a Mom who doesn’t have to yell.  And it will be a home where the loudest noise is laughter.

Elizabeth Owens is the wife of Waylan Owens, Dean of the School of Church and Family Ministries,  the mother of Blayne, Joshua, Grace, and Mary, and the mother-in-law of Cari.  She has served as a nurse, a pastor’s wife, and a professor’s wife, and is in her 18th year of homeschooling. She enjoys reading books and drinking tea – especially at the same time!

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Daughters, Be Good to Your Mothers

Thursday, May 10, 2012 by Melissa Meredith

To say that I’m looking forward to this weekend would be an understatement.  I’m ecstatic. This Saturday the Meredith girls will be reunited.  Now that my sister and I have left the nest and live in separate states, reunions like these with mom are rare and cherished, and obviously make a second piece of cheesecake at lunch mandatory.  Does anyone know what I’m talking about?

So this Saturday we will don our most girly ensembles and catch up over chicken salad sandwiches and generous slices of chocolate cheesecake at our favorite restaurant.  My sweet little sister will be there with her new baby bump and have us in tears about all the new wonders of being a mommy-to-be.  I’ll share my most recent embarrassing story and have everyone laughing until we choke on our food.  And my precious momma will sit and listen with a smile on her face, and looking from daughter to daughter, whisper with tears in her eyes one of her most famous lines, “It’s good to have my girls home.”

While we are in different seasons of life, my sister and I are learning what it means to honor our mother as young adults.  Our relationship with our mother looks different than what it did in our growing-up years—as it should.  And if I may be honest, my relationship with my mother has not all been sugar and spice and everything nice.  And if I may confess, it most assuredly rests most often on the stubbornness of my own heart.  But my sister and I have both found that learning to honor our mother as young adults is important.  Why?

Finding a way to love and connect with your mother as an adult begins by honoring her.

But perhaps more importantly than that, honoring your mother brings glory to our great God!  Are you looking to find a way to love and connect with your mother, too?  Then, read on, sister friend.

Yes, we are commanded by Scripture to honor our mothers.  Whether your mother has passed away or is alive and well, or whether you are close to your mother or there is a strain in your relationship with her, Scripture calls us as daughters to honor our mothers.   Just look at some of the Scripture passages that speak on the subject:

• Exodus 20:12: “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the LORD your God is giving you.
• Exodus 21:17: “He who curses his father or his mother shall surely be put to death.”
• Leviticus 19:3: “Every one of you shall reverence his mother and his father…I am the LORD your God.”
• Proverbs 1:8: “…do not forsake your mother’s teaching.”
• Proverbs 23:22: “…Do not despise your mother when she is old.”
• Matthew 15:4: “For God said, ‘Honor your father and mother,’ and, ‘He who speaks evil of father or mother is to be put to death.’”

Scripture is clear that we should honor our mothers. So what exactly does “honor” your mother mean?  Honor is simply an inward esteem or respect that is outwardly expressed in all occasions.  Honoring our mothers begins in our hearts and thoughts and overflows into our actions.

Honoring means that we love, cherish, respect, and show respect to the woman God has chosen to be our mother.  Such an attitude overflows into our actions as we desire to obey God in this commandment.

Why would God want us to honor our mothers?  First, honoring our mothers brings glory to our great God.  As we honor our mothers in obedience to God’s commands in Scripture, He is glorified.  Amen!  But there is a second reason.  Honoring our mothers is a living testimony to God’s work in our lives.  You might be thinking, “Melissa, I see that honoring my mother is commanded by Scripture, but you just don’t know my mom!”  Please hear me and know that what I am about to say is spoken in love and with deep sincerity as your sister in Christ.  Beloved, honoring your mother doesn’t mean you allow abuse or do not confront difficulty.  Honoring your mother simply means giving up trying to change her and start loving her as the woman she was created to be.  For many, this will be a hard and challenging process.  But you have been made a promise, sweet sister, that you are not alone.  God goes before you, strengthening you for the task, burdening your heart with obedience, all the while reminding you of His abiding sovereignty.

I’m sure if we are honest with one another, at some point in our relationship with our mothers we have been hurt.  There have been imperfect connections that have made us struggle to love and cherish and honor her.  There may have been unmet needs, unfulfilled expectations, or unrealized dreams.  Does this mean we can just accept the current state of our relationships with our mothers and give up trying?  No, it does not.  While it may seem like a daunting task, building and keeping a rewarding and God-honoring-relationship with your mother takes a willing and obedient heart and time spent on your knees in prayer before the Lord.  I stand before you, sweet sisters, and say you can, with the Lord’s help, experience a sweet, sweet connection with your mother.  Won’t you try?  It’s worth it.  And may I offer comfort to those whose mothers have passed away or for those of you whose mothers have no desire for connection?

Honoring your mother is more about the attitude of your heart than hers.

So practically speaking how do we honor our mothers?  Let’s turn to Scripture for the answer.

1. Obedience while under her authority (Eph 6:1; Col 3:20)
2. Willing to receive her training with humility (Titus 2:4-5)
3. Dependence upon her wisdom and godly counsel (Prov 6:20-23).
4. Encouragement and thankfulness for her godly example (Prov 31:28-31)
5. Thankfulness for her sacrifice (Prov 31:28-31)
6. Dedication to serving her and meeting her practical needs (I Tim 5:4).
7. Pursuit of a God-honoring lifestyle that brings her honor and joy (Prov 10:1; 15:20; 23:24-25)

Still struggling to apply God’s instruction of honoring our mothers?  May these questions provide a heart check for you and offer conversation starters between you and your mother.

*What do you want and expect from your mother-daughter relationship?

*Have you ever thought to ask God to change your perspective, to help you see your mother through His eyes?

*Are boundaries a problem for you?  If so, prayerfully approach your mother.

*Love and honor go hand in hand.  Prayerfully read over I Corinthians 13:4-8.

Sweet sisters, God has commanded that we honor our mothers. Won’t you begin praying today and ask God how you can apply his instruction to your relationship with your mother? Finding ways to honor and build a sweet, lasting bond with your mother begins with honoring her.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some packing to do; I have a reunion I’m looking forward to!

Melissa Meredith is pursuing a Master of Divinity in women’s studies at Southwestern Seminary. She loves decorating, dark chocolate gelato, and is passionate about teaching women God’s sacred design for set-apart femininity.Connect with Melissa on Facebook!

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Redeeming the Time

Tuesday, May 8, 2012 by Candi Finch

 Summer – it’s a word that causes students to dream of days with no alarm clocks jarring them from peaceful slumber and to dream of nights spent hanging with friends instead of cramming for exams or writing last minute papers.  Three whole months of freedom! Truth be told, students are not the only ones who look forward to summer. I have already been making my “to do” list of all the things I am hoping to accomplish while there is a bit of a break in my routine. However, I have noticed that even with the best of intentions, it is really easy to waste time during breaks instead of utilizing it. Whether you are a student, a business professional, a stay-at-home mom, or a senior saint, I imagine you, too, can think of times when you have not made the most of your “free” time.

One unknown author once said, “Ordinary people think merely of spending time.  Great people think of using it.“ For Christians, we must realize that during those days we may have more freedom with our time, it doesn’t lessen the responsibility we have to use our time wisely for the Lord.  The idea of “redeeming our time” is found in several places in Scripture:

• Ephesians 5:15-17 says, “See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is.”

 

• Colossians 4:5-6, “Walk in wisdom toward those who are outside, redeeming the time. Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.”

 

Our time is a stewardship given to us by God, and we have a duty to use it wisely. I am afraid that for many of us, we forget that our time is not really our own. So, as summer begins and brings more free time for many of us, I encourage you to consider some of the following ways to start REDEEM-ing the time:

1. Realize your purpose on earth – The first step in making the most of our time is realizing that we are here to make Christ known to others and advance His kingdom. It is easy to get distracted with the “everyday-ness” of life sometimes and forget that God has a purpose for us here in this life, and it is probably not to be the highest scorer on Words with Friends or to demonstrate an encyclopedic knowledge of every latest TV show. If we get so busy or distracted or just plain lazy that we miss opportunities to share the gospel or serve someone in His name, then something is not right.  
2. Evaluate your priorities and how you spend your time – I am a people pleaser so it is hard for me to tell people “no” when they ask me to do things. The problem is, though, that I end up over committing myself. Instead of doing a few things with excellence, I end up doing a lot of things “okay.” I have found that it is important from time to time just to consider all the things on my plate to evaluate which things really shouldn’t be there.
3. Determine to change areas where you are not using your time wisely – It may seem simple, but this step is where many women drop the ball. We can view our time through a kingdom focus and evaluate how we spend our time in light of that, but if we do not make changes, then we have missed the mark.  
4. Eliminate distractions – In my own life, I have found that tv can be a real distraction for me when I am trying to get writing projects done. There have been periods in my life where I had to unplug my tv (I even moved it into a closet one summer!) just to make sure it wasn’t a temptation in my life to waste time. I don’t know what your distractions are – facebook, shopping, tv, sleeping—but I do know that you will never be able to accomplish all that you want if you allow distractions to rule your life.
5. Enlist help – Accountability is crucial. My twin sister has been a great help to me when I am trying to stay on task. I let her know what I am trying to get done and the steps I am taking to eliminate distractions, and then she calls me often to make sure I am staying on task. Find people in your own life who will help you redeem your time.
6. Manage your time well – You must remain vigilant in guarding your time. I am not saying that you never take a day to relax (in fact, God said we should take a day every week to rest), but I think many of us have lost our urgency in being about the Father’s business. I encourage you regularly examine your life for ways to make the most of the time God has entrusted to you.

 

This is the beginning of a new day.
God has given me this day to use as I will.
I can waste it or use it for good.
What I do today is important, because
I am exchanging a day of my life for it.
When tomorrow comes,
this day will be gone forever,
leaving in its place something
that I have traded for it.
I want it to be gain, not loss;
good not evil; success not failure;
in order that I shall not regret
the price I paid for it.
Author Unknown

 

 

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Dear Dottie: What’s All This About “Head Coverings?!?”

Monday, May 7, 2012 by Dorothy Kelley Patterson

Dear Dottie,

I’ve noticed that you wear hats during worship services and it sparked my curiosity. Do you wear them because of 1 Corinthians 11’s command that women should cover their heads in church? I must confess I’ve always been a little confused about that passage. Does the Bible command that we should wear head coverings in church? Does it mean that my hair must be a certain length? I know this must mean something for me as a woman today or God wouldn’t have said it – but what? Thank you for your help!

Sincerely,

Curious

 

Dear Curious,

Yes, indeed I do love my hats! I began wearing hats in my teen years on special occasions and then became more serious during my college years. I was really bitten with the bug during our years in Fayetteville, Arkansas, when one of our parishioners introduced me to a seamstress who had been a milliner in her earlier years. When I had an ensemble made in the spring and fall, she always designed a matching hat, and I loved the finished look that this ultimate accessory provided. As the years went by and we moved to Dallas, my hat collection grew rapidly as many ladies in First Baptist Church stopped wearing their hats. Rather than casually discard them, they would pass them along to me. I would purchase a dress to go with the spectacular hat! Only then, during the almost two decades we were in Dallas, did I begin to realize that my love for hats might have theological implications.

In a careful study of 1 Corinthians 11,  the principle of a husband’s headship in the home is absolutely clear and in harmony with other passages in both the Old and New Testaments, though the symbol of that authority—and thus its application—can vary over the generations. Perhaps most basic to this application is the Genesis account of the creation order, which presents male and female as both created in the image of God but with distinct assignments and roles. This begins with men who dress and behave as men and women who dress and behave as women. Both a man and a woman willingly accept respectively their appropriate roles and responsibilities and embrace willingly their own respective purposes for glorifying God and serving Him. Though our modern culture takes pride in reversing roles and blurring lines given from the divine order, Scripture affirms the danger in such behavior.

For Paul, the covered head was the symbol of a wife’s submission to her own husband—much as a wedding ring in the modern era identifies a woman as married. To reject this public acknowledgement of the husband’s headship and wife’s submission to that headship was a disgrace that could be equal to a woman’s having a shorn head as in the first century would have indicated shame and dishonor.

There is no prejudice toward women but rather an affirmation of the priority of the man as being created first and an application of the authority assigned to him in the creation order.

Now, for how this passage affects me and my hats, let me go back to my teen years. I have always loved hats. I believe that they are the ultimate accessory in setting off an outfit. Even through my young adult years, I always took my dress or suit with me to shop for shoes, purse, and hat. I wanted all to coordinate into the perfect ensemble. As the years rolled along, hats became a trademark—a branding for me. For my husband, children, and friends, my hat made me easy to find in a crowded auditorium. My daughter firmly believes that my hats hide a multitude of sins—she knows that I am not skilled in doing hair!. That is the practical side of the coin. However, I also believe that the Lord may gently guide us even in our preferences to accomplish his purposes; and my love for hats may be just such an example. In wearing hats—and doing so happily—perhaps I send yet another testimony of my joy in marriage and my commitment to stand under the authority of my husband. Despite my academic training, possibly even my giftedness or opportunity, I choose to show in every way that I gladly embrace the role that the Lord has given to me as a wife and mother—and a woman in the church, and I want to bear that testimony publicly.

Is my own personal testimony a mandate for every woman? Most certainly not! As I mentioned earlier, the principle is unchanging and not to be adjusted or ignored for any reason, but the application is just that. Every woman must determine how she is going to apply the principle in her own life so that the Lord is glorified and her own testimony enhanced!

Devotedly,

Dottie

Dorothy Kelley Patterson serves as the First Lady and Professor of Theology in Women’s Studies at Southwestern Seminary. She has authored numerous books and articles including, Where’s Mom: The High Calling of Wives and Mothers, and A Woman Seeking God: Discover God in the Places of Your Life.  One of Mrs. Patterson’s greatest joys is hospitality! She loves to cook and is known for her family’s famous “Kelley biscuits.”

*”Dear Dottie” is a featured, monthly column from Dorothy Kelley Patterson (aka – Dottie!). If you have a question for Dottie, please email us at biblicalwoman@swbts.edu!

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U R Known by What U Search 4

Thursday, May 3, 2012 by Katie McCoy

 I was sure that I’d been hacked. There was no way that could have appeared on my Facebook page…and consequently on several hundred other people’s news feeds. But somehow, through the all-knowing Google Search which connected to an unknowingly employed Yahoo Reader App, which connected to my social life on a webpage a.k.a. Facebook, the entire scope of my acquaintances could see that I had been searching for the best (a-hem) undergarments for women of my (a-hem) proportions. Since when did researching the right women’s intimates become a newsworthy item to be shared online, you ask? Since everything from the articles we read to the music we hear became integrated into one identity-expressing website. The only thing that hacked my Facebook was my own stupidity.

Apps like Yahoo Reader aren’t the only signs of social streamlining. Have you noticed those ads on the side of your Facebook page? They’re tailored to fit your interests, tastes, and even whatever search terms you have Googled. Why? Because sites like Facebook testify to a truth that even an unbelieving world already knows:

We are known by what we’re searching for.

What We’re Searching For Reveals our Disposition

It might sound like a word out of a Jane Austen novel, but “disposition” refers to an inclination or a tendency. Scripture directly links whether or not our hearts are inclined toward God to our obedience. “But they did not obey or incline their ear, but walked in their own counsels and the stubbornness of their evil hearts, and went backward and not forward” (Jer. 7:24, also check out Josh. 24:23 and 1 Kgs. 8:57-58).  The Psalmist prayed, “Incline my heart to your testimonies…” (Ps. 119:36) What is your disposition toward the heart of God? Does obedience seem like a burden or do you find joy in living a life set-apart for Christ? (1 Jn. 5:3, 1 Pet. 3:15)

The true disposition of our hearts is whatever we have inclined them towards.

So how do we cultivate a disposition that is inclined toward and seeks after God? We start by pursuing spiritual disciplines like prayer, studying the Word, fasting, confession and being in Christian community with other believers. If you’re looking for a helpful kick-start on how to develop a lifestyle that’s inclined toward God, check out Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster and focus on two disciplines each month. You’ll be amazed at how your disposition toward the things of God will increase!

What We’re Searching For Reveals Our Desires

Scripture tells us that we ultimately follow after whatever we desire (2 Pt 3:3, Jude 1:16) We’re told to walk by the Spirit so that we won’t gratify the desires of the flesh, “For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do.” (Gal. 5:16-17).

We search for the things that our hearts desire, and those desires inevitably determine our deeds. Be careful not to get these switched around! We can’t change our inner desires with our outward deeds. It’s actually the other way around. We won’t overcome those bad habits, destructive patterns and besetting sins until we’ve been given new desires (Ez. 36:26, Phil. 2:13)

And when our disposition is inclined toward God, our desires begin to reflect His. (Ps. 37:4).

What is the desire of your heart today? Have you been longing for something that seems destined to remain unfulfilled? What have you been searching for that your good and loving Father would have you let go of and trust to His care? Psalm 145 promises that “He fulfills the desire of those who fear him.” (v. 19) Will you trust that He satisfies the desire of every living thing – including you? (v 16). Until our desires are rooted in and ruled by Christ, we’ll always be searching for that next thing.

What We’re Searching For Reveals Our Direction

It’s impossible to arrive at a destination without first going in its direction. Psalm 119 shows the connection between what you are searching for and your life’s aim. “Blessed are those who keep his testimonies, who seek him with their whole heart, who also do no wrong, but walk in his ways!…When I think on my ways, I turn my feet to your testimonies.” (vv. 2-3, 59)

Have you stopped to consider where your life is aiming?  I don’t mean big decisions like a job or an education or a spouse, as life-changing as those decisions are. If you zoomed out on your life to see what you are searching for, where are you headed? Are you headed for the snare that accompanies the approval-loving fear of man? (Prov. 29:25) Is your aim set for the ruin and destruction awaiting those that desire wealth? (1 Tim. 6:9) Are you targeting the harm and corruption that comes with foolish and ungodly company? (Prov. 13:20, 1 Cor. 15:33) Or, are you searching for the life that is gained by daily taking up your cross to follow Christ? (Lk. 9:23:24)

When our disposition and our desires are pursuing God’s presence, our direction will follow His.

He promises: “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you.” (Ps. 32:8) Psalm 105:4 tells us to “Seek the LORD and his strength; seek his presence continually!” Are you aiming for God’s presence where you’ll find “fullness of joy” (Ps. 16:11), or are you searching for an empty substitute? If you’re wondering which direction you’re life is going, just take a step back to see what you’ve been searching for.

What We’re Searching For – Can Change!

So what do we do when our dispositions, desires and directions need to be re-focused? Our restoration begins with a change in what we’re searching for. “Seek the Lord while he may be found; call upon him while he is near; let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; let him return to the Lord, that he may have compassion on him, and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.” (Is. 55:6-7)

The incredible promise of the gospel is that no matter how far off course we’ve gotten, we can incline our hearts to the Lord because He first inclined His heart to us (Eph. 2:1-10). God tells us to seek Him because He wants us to find Him. “I did not speak in secret, in a land of darkness; I did not say to the offspring of Jacob, ‘Seek me in vain.’” (Is. 45:19) Deuteronomy 4:29 promises that if you seek the Lord you will find Him, “if you search after him with all your heart and with all your soul.”

He is still the Rewarder of those who seek Him. (Heb. 11:6)  He is still the Generous Father who gives to those who ask Him. (Matt. 7:7-11)

So the next time you go to “Google it,” or see a column of interest-specific Facebook ads, or perhaps have one of your top-ten most embarrassing moments posted for all to see, let it remind you of this one aim-altering truth – you are known by what you search for.

“Now set your mind and heart to seek the LORD your God.”

1 Chronicles 22:19

 

Katie McCoy is pursuing a Doctorate in Systematic Theology at Southwestern Seminary. When she’s not studying for her classes (a rare occasion!), she loves hanging out with friends, eating sushi, learning new words and is currently a political news junkie. Connect with Katie on Facebook or Followher Twitter!

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