BW Reads: The Role of Women in the Church

Tuesday, February 21, 2012 by Ashley Winterrowd

Ryrie, Charles. The Role of Women in the Church. 2nd ed. Nashville, TN: B&H Publishing Group, 2011.

What can a woman do in the church? What roles are we permitted to have? What does God say about serving in this century and in the past? How did Jesus interact with women in ministry? These questions and more are brilliantly examined in Charles Ryrie’s book The Role of Women in the Church.

If you’re looking for a resource that you can go to about divorce, marriage, singleness, a woman’s service within the church and women’s historical involvement within the church then this book is impeccable. The three sections of this book uniquely address these issues, and demonstrate the author’s heart for a women’s involvement in the church. While the truth that Ryrie speaks may be difficult for our modern ears to hear, they are necessary to anyone who wants a biblically sound ministry for women.

The Role of Women in the Church will make you hungry for more and inspire you to dive into God’s Word.

The author emphasizes the women in the life and ministry of Jesus. He gives multiple examples demonstrating how Jesus regarded the women around Him:

• He opened the doors to intimate affinity with Himself, and sex constituted no barrier to this intimacy (42).
• He taught women privately and publicly (43).
• He did not only acknowledge and appreciate a woman’s intellectual capacity but also her spiritual capabilities (45).

“He ministered to men; but the women ministered to Him.” (55).

One of the most beautifully written works that I have ever encountered is the chapter focusing on the women who ministered to Jesus. You’ll want to get out your highlighter and get ready for a discussion that will encourage any woman who is ministering to other women. This chapter was such a personal encouragement, that I was moved to prayer and thanksgiving for the calling that God has placed on my life. The author reminds the reader that women were the first to find Jesus’ tomb empty and that they are the ones who told everyone of His resurrection (59), which is something that most believers are aware of, but the new thought that Ryrie brought forward was that these women were given this privilege in the midst of just doing what they were called to do. It was a woman’s “job” to minister to the physical needs. They went to the tomb to be faithful to the calling on their lives and they were blessed for it.

“Women were honored with the news of the resurrection first simply because they were being faithful to womanly duties.” (60)

Along with the chapters focusing on the women in the life of Jesus, The Role of Women in the Church also addresses applicable truths regarding women’s roles. Ryrie devotes a chapter to “The Domestic Status of Women,” (95) discussing what God says about marriage and celibacy. Chapter eight’s, The Place of Women in Church Life in particular gives truths about some of the most prevalent arguments going on within the church as the author looks in depth at subordination (117), silence (120), widows (130) and deaconesses (137).  The thoughts presented in this chapter are dissected using the lens required of all students of the Word – using scripture as the commentary on scripture. The final four chapters in the book highlight women who were serving in different church eras, places and situations. Ryrie blends biblical truth and history to give the reader a resource that they can come back to time and time again.

Dorothy Patterson, First Lady of Southwestern Seminary and Professor of Theology in Women’s Studies, summed up Ryrie’s book when she said, “The volume is set apart primarily because of its thoroughly digested reasoning and study that comes forth in a very concise and balanced presentation of the hope that is within every woman’s heart, i.e., that indeed there is a place of service for each of us in the kingdom of Christ.”(xii)

The Role of Women in the Church beautifully reinforces the call of women’s ministry within the church and defines the boundaries of those ministries.  God has called women to be set apart from men. God has called women to specific and important ministries within the church.

“Blessed are thou, O Lord our God, King of the universe, who hast made me according to thy will…who has made me a woman, to win hearts for thee by motherly love or wifely devotion; to lead souls to thee, by daughter’s care or sisterly tenderness and loyalty.” (13)

Ashley Winterrowd is pursuing a Mastor of Arts in Christian Education with a concentration in Women’s Ministry. She loves painting, playing with her nieces and nephew, and cooking. Ashley is passionate about teaching women to know the love and purpose God has for them.

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Everyday Haven: Mentoring from Your Home

Monday, February 20, 2012 by Pat Ennis

My commitment to mentoring comes from my early years as a young professional when there was an absence of older women who were willing to lend a helping hand.  Many offered criticism, few offered help.  I vowed that if I could grow past these experiences, I would be willing to help others on their spiritual and professional journeys. The young women whom I have mentored serve our Lord throughout the world.  I love the times when I answer the phone to find one of them on the other end of the line.  Their personal visits are always a blessing and their e-mails, cards, and letters often arrive to encourage and minister to me on challenging days.  I am looking forward to our reunion in heaven and count it a privilege to be “the older woman” in their lives!

The strategy outlined in Titus 2:3-5 provides the biblical foundation for understanding the mentoring relationship while the book of Ruth details an example of its application.  However, despite the fact that Titus 2:3-5 is an instruction (not a suggestion) to Christian women, few are willing to mentor.  Excuses range from, “I don’t have time” to “no one cares what I have to say”.

In the process of completing a writing project focused on the Titus passage I processed 2,254 “Perception of Homemaking” surveys.  The analysis of the data suggests that there is a break in the mentoring circuit. Somewhere in our evangelical cycle of women’s ministry, the Titus 2:3-5 model is being ignored. These results pose a thought-provoking question:

Have the younger women become less teachable or have the older women failed to teach? *

I recently discussed how the Titus 2:3-5 passage is practically applied to a mentor/mentoree relationship with a young woman I work with.  A gifted, well-educated young woman in her mid-twenties, she provided some insight in to what comprises a meaningful mentoring relationship. She commented that a mentor is much more like having a “big sister.”  She is willing to make a life-to-life investment that is relational.  Nurturing, involved, invested, and a willingness to walk with you through “her journey” are qualities of the relationship.

Probing a bit deeper I asked where the “spiritual big sis” draws the line between being interested and intrusive.  I so appreciate her suggestion to use examples (with their permission) from the “spiritual big sis” relationship that I share with her and the other young woman that works as her partner under my leadership.

• Ask questions rather than make demands. Our working relationship requires the fulfillment of a myriad of tasks during the week.  Some are predictable, some are not.  When an unexpected change presents itself I have learned to ask how we are going to adjust to the unexpected request. Rather than issuing the order, which I could do, and leaving them to figure out the remedy we pray together and pursue a reasonable solution.  Whenever possible we celebrate the fulfillment of the task.
• Serve instead of control. My position allows me the right to control situations.  However, I choose to relinquish that right and partner with the Interns rather than using my position as leverage to demand results. This choice usually yields a favorable result.  We have built numerous memories and shared many laughs as we worked together on projects.
• Affirm whenever possible. Obviously there are times when I need to offer correction but if all that the women whom I nurture hear from me is how they could do the project better I will break their spirits.  The Titus 2 mentor will model the type of speech she desires to hear from her mentoree’s lips.
• Purpose to adapt to the younger woman’s world. For the women with whom I work, cell phones are their lifeline to relationships.  I am purposing to understand their social communities so that I can maintain communication with them.  I also want to model for them other forms of communication that contribute to meaningful relationships.
• Wait to be invited into the relationship. Though it is usually best for the younger woman to initiate the mentor relationship, the older woman can demonstrate that she is willing to mentor.
• Be an available voice. There are days when the ladies I’m investing in want to chat and days when they desire silence.  As I plan my day I choose to leave a window of time so that if they want to visit I am not shutting them down by needing to hurry on to the next item on my “to do list”.  I also need to respect their need for silence and purpose to not be intrusive (even though I may really want to know what’s going on).
• Avoid perfectionism. The scriptures challenge us toward excellence.  Perfectionism is God’s responsibility.  That means older women need to intentionally “mess up” occasionally so that the younger woman understands that she does not walk on water.

I believe that mentoring relationships can be either formal (regular meetings for a specific purpose) or informal (unscheduled relationship-building) and have some practical suggestions for each to share with you.

Formal Mentoring Suggestions

• Reading and discussing a Christian women’s book together (for example, Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free by Nancy DeMoss, Love to Eat, Hate to Eat by Elyse Fitzpatrick or perhaps my book, Becoming a Woman Who Pleases God).

• Completing a study on a book of the Bible (perhaps the book of James or Philippians).

• Reading and discussing a commentary.

• Memorizing Scripture or keeping a prayer journal and then spending time talking and praying together each week.

 

Informal Mentoring Suggestions

 

• Discussing questions raised by the younger woman (questions can be related to relationships, skills, or life experiences).

• Working on projects together such as planning events or holidays to learn practical skills in management (set goals then work together to accomplish them).

• Simply spending time together talking and letting the younger woman see your life and family.

• Sharing your knowledge about practical home management (menu planning, cleaning house, or paying the bills).

 

A common question both mentors and mentorees have is “How much time could I expect to invest in those settings?” The actual time investment will vary from relationship to relationship.  The formula for success rests in placing the opportunity in our heavenly Father’s hands and allowing Him to work out the details.  It is my prayer that you will not wait until you have time to mentor or be mentored.  To do so may exempt you from a life changing experience! Whether formal or informal, “The Seasons of the Mentoring Cycle” begins when younger and older women regularly spend time together.

Editor’s Note: “Everyday Haven” is a featured monthly column by Dr. Patricia Ennis, highlighting the practical ways in which woman can make their everyday homes an extraordinary haven. Come back for next month’s “Everyday Haven” as Dr. Ennis describes the different mentoring seasons of a woman’s life.

Dr. Patricia Ennis is a Distinguished Professor of Homemaking at Southwestern Seminary. She has authored several works, including Precious in the Sight of God, The Art of Becoming a Godly Woman, Practicing Hospitality, the Joy of Serving Others (with Lisa Tatlock), and Becoming a Young Woman Who Pleases God, A Teen’s Guide to Developing Her Biblical Potential.

*(If you would like a summary of the study e-mail me at paennis@swbts.edu).

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Debunking “The Purity Myth”

Thursday, February 16, 2012 by Katie McCoy

“There is a moral panic in America over young women’s sexuality and it’s been breathing new life into a very old idea,” claims Jessica Valenti, founder of Feministing.com and author of The Purity Myth: How America’s Obsession with Virginity is Hurting Young Women. Dubbed the “poster-girl for third-wave feminism,” Valenti claims that today’s abstinence-only movement tells a woman that her value is based solely on what she does (or doesn’t do) with her sexuality – to the point of ignoring her character, intelligence, and integrity. As a result, the so-called “purity-pushers” are actually harming a generation of young women, making them even more sexualized due to the emphasis on virginity/abstinence as “the measure of a woman’s character.”

While Valenti’s views may seem like the kind of rhetoric you’d hear in hyper-political arenas, the message may be coming to a high school or college campus near you. The Purity Myth was recently adapted to a 45-minute documentary by the Media Education Foundation, a company that “produces and distributes documentary films and other educational resources to inspire critical thinking about the social, political, and cultural impact of American mass media,” and specifically targeted to students in the classroom. The Purity Myth is being marketed to educational institutions, both secular and religious, with screenings and discussions about “the virginity movement’s war against women” taking place nationwide.

The Purity Myth claims that the abstinence-only movement, within both government-funded education and Christian-based organizations, is actually a grand conspiracy – a programmatic means to a social end. According to Valenti, upholding virginity isn’t about women’s health or well-being. Instead, it’s about a regressive, socio-political agenda from conservatives and evangelicals to restore “traditional” gender stereotypes (with all of the pejorative implications associated with terms like “submission in marriage” outside a biblical context). “What the virginity movement really wants from women is submissiveness. There’s a reason why their goal for women is only marriage and motherhood. The movement believes that that’s the only thing women are meant for.”

So, according to the Myth, the message of “saving yourself for marriage” that a young woman heard in her student ministry, youth camp and Christian church was more about her subjection than her sacredness.

The philosophy has a direct effect on the current birth control debate. Valenti claims that conservatives and evangelicals have impeded the use emergency contraception like Plan B or the HPV vaccine for fear that birth control will “promote promiscuity,” causing women to throw off the conventions of “the purity police,” and society losing control of women’s roles.

But underneath all of Valenti’s observations and opinions is the belief that one’s sexuality is separate from one’s morality. Featured on the fourth-hour, “estrogen-fest” of The Today Show with Hoda Kotb and Kathie Lee Gifford, Valenti defined The Purity Myth as, “the lie that women’s sexuality has some bearing on who we are and how good we are, because…we all know that young women are so much more than whether or not they have sex.” In a recent episode of Anderson Cooper’s daytime talk show, Valenti stated,  “My worry is that by having virginity pledges and Purity Balls, you’re focusing so much on a girls’ virginity that you’re still sexualizing them. I think if we want to teach our daughters to be good people, let’s teach them to be good people. Their sexuality has nothing to do with that.”

But is purity about being “a good person?” Is personal purity even rightly equated with virginity? Surprisingly, both Valenti and the secular abstinence movement share a common, foundational paradigm: Sexuality exists for sake of the individual. If a woman’s sexuality is primarily about her happiness and well-being, then the decision of whether to wait will be a constant tug-of-war between her cultural influences and the potential consequences. But God’s Word paints a very different picture of His purpose for creating sexuality and marriage, and thus, the purpose for personal purity: Sexuality exists for the sake of knowing the Creator.

In the book Sex and the Supremacy of Christ, John Piper sums up this perspective. “Sexuality is designed by God as a way to know God in Christ more fully. Knowing God in Christ more fully is designed as a way of guarding and guiding our sexuality. God created us with sexual passion so that there would be language to describe what it means to cleave to him in love and what it means to turn away from him to others.” (26) Ultimately, His purpose for sexual purity is as foundational as His purpose for creating us – to know, love, glorify and worship God.

Purity isn’t about conforming to social standards, pleasing parents, avoiding adverse physical consequences or the risk of unplanned pregnancies. Purity isn’t even primarily about our own emotional wholeness and psychological well-being.

Purity is about worship.

Conversely, any time we express our sexuality , whether in heart, mind, or body, apart from its prescribed, created design (Gen. 2:18-25, Eph. 5:22-33), we hijack its purpose and present it to another. We worship a different god. “All misuses of our sexuality distort the true knowledge of Christ.” The reason God takes impurity so seriously is that it so deeply and destructively distorts what He, the Creator, gave to communicate Himself to us, His creation.

So how might we within the Church be influenced by the concerns raised in projects such as The Purity Myth?

-       Have we presented a woman’s virginity as an indispensable aspect of her worth? Sadly, Valenti’s observations on this point are often quite accurate. While many have rightly taught that one’s virginity is a gift to their spouse, the reverse message of a girl being “damaged goods” who no one worthy would want to be with often accompanies it, a message that denies the power of God’s grace to heal, forgive and transform. To the young woman reading this with a past she wishes she could forget, please know that every person on the planet is “damaged goods” needing God’s forgiveness. You were worth so much to the God who created you that He came to buy you back by paying the price for your sin on the cross. (2 Cor 5: 21, Col 1:14) Your purity, your wholeness, and your identity can be restored in the redemption of Jesus Christ.

-       Have we bought into the lie that “Purity is the new sexy?” In an effort to make God’s way popular, attractive or cool, have we sacrificed the sacredness, as though attempting to somehow out-allure the secular? (Hence, broadcasting a discussion of sex in marriage from a bed on top of your church or touting the sensuality-charged phrase, “Modest is Hottest.”)

-       Have we equated virginity with purity? Do we mistakenly emphasize refraining from sexual activity at the expense of communicating a lifestyle of purity that is created, guarded and decided in the heart? Do our high school and college students know that, while they may be abstinent virgins, they may not be pure? (Matt. 5:27-28)

-       Have we established our perspective of sexuality in the gospel? Is the gospel our foundation for understanding the purpose of sexuality, for having the power to live out its purpose as God designed it, and for walking in the peace of a redeemed past?

Debunking The Purity Myth and countering the countless other messages of our hyper-sexualized, “hook-up” culture likely won’t happen with trendier marketing of abstinence, greater government funding for abstinence education, or more alarming accounts of the dangers of pre-marital sex. Only when we see and deeply know the Christ for whom every aspect of our lives – especially our sexuality – was designed to worship will the myth of moralistic virginity be replaced by the truth of Christ-exalting purity.

 

Katie McCoy is pursuing a Doctorate in Systematic Theology at Southwestern Seminary. When she’s not studying for her classes (a rare occasion!), she loves hanging out with friends, eating sushi and is currently a political news junkie.

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A Love That Endures: The Legacy of Ann, Sarah, and Emily Judson

Tuesday, February 14, 2012 by Candi Finch

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Please…Let Me Know!

Thursday, February 9, 2012 by Katie McCoy

Please Let Me Know Your Ways

It was the heart cry of a lonely leader faced with a frustratingly familiar scene, surrounded by the volatile voices of an unbelieving nation. This biblical hero with whom the Lord spoke “face to face, as a man speaks to his friend,” (Ex. 33:11) had one audacious request: “Now therefore, if I have found favor in your sight, please show me now your ways, that I may know you in order to find favor in your sight….Please show me Your glory.” (Ex. 33:13, 18)

It seems odd that a man like Moses, who had seen the Lord’s epic works, would feel the need to ask the Lord to reveal His ways. I mean, this man heard God speak through a wasteland bush, saw His miraculous provision at the Red Sea, and followed Him to lead His people out of a tyrant’s grip carrying nothing but a walking stick.

Moses had known the Lord’s works – but he did not yet know the Lord’s ways.

With no tone of reproach, no shaking of His head in disappointment, the Lord answered, “This very thing that you have spoken I will do, for you have found favor in my sight, and I know you by name.” (Ex 33:17). What the Lord revealed about Himself in response would forever change how Moses understood Him, and has the power to forever change how you and I see Him today:

“The LORD passed before him and proclaimed, “The LORD, the LORD, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children’s children, to the third and the fourth generation.” (Ex. 34:6-7)

 

Please Let Me Know Your Character

The children of Israel would stumble and fall over this very issue. They, too, had seen God’s works, but they would not know His ways. They’d been delivered from insurmountable odds – from captivity to freedom, from Pharaoh’s slaves to Yahweh’s ambassadors – all because the Lord chose to love them. But at the first bump in the road – at the sight of the immediate – they criticized the Lord’s character and questioned His motives.

When they couldn’t find food, they accused Him of bringing them out of slavery just so He could watch them die of hunger. When they couldn’t find water, they grumbled, argued, and “tested the LORD by saying, ‘Is the LORD among us or not?’” (Ex. 17:7) Their distrusting disposition led to their own demise. God gives us a rear-view window into these stories in Psalm 95 when He warns: “Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts, as at Meribah, as on the day at Massah in the wilderness, when your fathers put me to the test and put me to the proof, though they had seen my work. For forty years I loathed that generation and said, “They are a people who go astray in their heart, and they have not known my ways.” (vv.7-10).

They saw that His works were mighty, but they did not know His way was merciful. They knew of His greatness, but they did not know He was gracious.

 

Please Let Me Know Your Presence

We, too, have been delivered from insurmountable odds – from captivity to freedom, from sin’s slaves to the Lord’s children – all because He chose to love us (Rom. 6:17-18, Eph. 1:3-6). But truth be told, it often doesn’t take but a bump in the road before we’ve swerved away from trusting and veered into testing. It might be a difficult relationship, another financial strain, a season of struggling for direction or that moment when all your plans go not at all as planned. But what about when the bumps in the road are more like painful potholes to our soul? Being abandoned by a husband. Grieving an unexpected loss in your family. That moment when you realize that your life looks so different than what you’d hoped it would by now. And at the sight of the immediate, we begin to ask “Did He bring me out here to die? Is the Lord here or not?”

Of course, we don’t usually “sound” like that. Who really dares to say, “I was better off where I was before You delivered me!” No, when we’re met with unexpected difficulty, we’re a little more subtle… “Why is her life so perfect and mine’s such a mess?… I just don’t understand why God won’t bless me this way…Maybe I’m not praying enough/the right way…Perhaps God knows that if I was too happy I wouldn’t be as focused on serving Him…Am I being punished for something?…Is God upset with me? When we only know Him by His works, we’ll always question the motive of His heart, teetering on the see-saw of insecurity, vacillating between a fear and a faith that fluctuates with our circumstances.

But if we know Him by His ways, it changes the lenses through which we see His works.

When we believe that the Lord’s motivating ways are “merciful, compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness,” then we can say with audacious joy: “This I know, that God is for me!” (Psalm 56:9) Behind your most disappointing setback, underneath your deepest pain, and surrounding your greatest spiritual challenge is a working out of His ways in your life, ways that are full of mercy and compassion, faithfulness and love. When you see His works, will you know His ways?

 

Please Let Me Know Your Heart

So how do we, in the middle of our desert seasons, come to know the ways of the Lord when all we can see are His works? How do we break through those walls of fear that keep us at arms-length from our soul’s true Satisfaction and into the intimacy of the One for whom we were made? Like Moses, we can only come to Him in a trusting vulnerability, and ask: “If I have found favor in your sight, please let me know Your ways.”

In my own journey to know Him by His ways, I’m far from arrived. The invitation to know Him that deeply, that freely, comes with a price that we must all part with if we’re know His ways – to lay down our fears, our distrust, and our insecurities and to surrender the deep places of our souls entirely into His hand.  And after we’ve asked, to trust that He will say: “This very thing that you have spoken I will do, for you have found favor in my sight, and I know you by name.” He delights in you. (Ps. 149:4, Zeph. 3:17). His favor rests on you through His Son (Luke 4:17-21).

Your Lord wants you to know Him, not just what He does, but who He is – His character, His heart, His ways (Is. 45:19).

Oftentimes I relate to the heroine named “Much-Afraid” from Hannah Hurnard’s classic Hinds’ Feet for High Places. While reaching her destination of the “High Places” was her hope, it was in the long, painful journey that she was transformed. It was only after she confronted her enemies of Resentment, Bitterness, Self-Pity, and Craven Fear that she heard the Shepherd say, “Did you really think that I would let you stray from the right path to the High Places without doing anything to warn you or to prevent it?” Such confidence in His works can only come from knowing His ways.

Will you draw near to Him today? Will you let go of the fear that He is somehow less than all He’s revealed Himself to be in your life? Will you walk away from the distrust that He’s withholding good or not quite in your corner? Will you lay down the insecurities that keep you from hoping for higher joys? You’ve known His works – will you know His ways?

“…If I have found favor in Your sight, please let me know Your ways…”

 

Katie McCoy is pursuing a Doctorate in Systematic Theology at Southwestern Seminary. When she’s not studying for her classes (a rare occasion!), she loves hanging out with friends, eating sushi and is currently a political news junkie.

 

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Raising Debt-Free Children

Tuesday, February 7, 2012 by Elizabeth Owens

Money.  Everybody talks about it.  Almost everybody thinks they need more of it.  Some people have budgets or spending plans.  Many people are in debt; some are deeply in debt.  Most of us wish our children would learn to manage their money well – perhaps better than we think we manage our own.

How do we teach our children to manage money?  What does the Bible say about money, and how do we communicate these principles to our children?

The Bible says that God is the Creator and Owner of all. (Psalm 24:1,2; Psalm 104:24 – 30)  We are merely stewards of the money and possessions He has entrusted to our care and oversight.  We are to return back to Him a portion of what He has given to us, obediently and cheerfully. (Malachi 3:10; 2 Corinthians 9:6–8) We are to use the rest to provide for our families, and to care for the needs of those around us in a discerning and thoughtful manner. (Ephesians 4:28; Micah 6:8)

These are the principles we are to teach our children, from their earliest moments.  We are to teach them not only with our words, but also by our actions.  Do our children see us return a portion of what God has given to us regularly, cheerfully, and obediently?  Do they see us work hard and make thoughtful decisions to meet the needs of our families?  Do they see us helping others with wisdom and kindness?

How do we help our children apply these principles with their own money?

First of all, they need to have their own money!  Different families do this in different ways.  Some children are paid specific amounts for the completion of certain chores.  Some children receive an allowance.  I heard of one creative couple who paid their children for each biography they read. However you choose for your children to receive money, they need to be taught that some of it needs to be returned to God. 

Our children started to receive an allowance when they turned five years old.  We taught them that at least 10 percent needed to be given to God at church, and we requested offering envelopes from the church office for the new tither.  (Some seemed surprised at the request for a five year old, but no one ever turned us down!) We also taught our children that at least ten percent of all their earnings had to be put into a savings account, to develop a habit of saving from the very beginning. Our rule was that savings could be dipped into only for a car, tuition, or a house.

It is much easier to continue to live on 80 percent of one’s income as an adult when it has been done since childhood.

We have also observed that a five year old who receives ten dimes for an allowance feels rich when he sees only one dime go into his offering envelope, and only one dime go into savings, and realizes he has eight whole dimes left to spend as he chooses.  When did we lose this sense of God’s generosity and blessing in our lives, and think that our “needs” demand more than 80 percent of our income?

 Now, how do we teach our children how to use the 80 percent wisely?  We gave our children a fairly wide latitude in what they did with that money, offering guidance and suggestions, but giving them freedom to make choices and to learn.  Some chose to give extra to meet special Kingdom needs.  That is a real blessing for parents!  Sometimes they frittered it away on trivial things. When they found something they really wanted and discovered they did not have enough money to purchase it, they learned that when you run out, you do without. 

We had to learn not to bail them out or try to “fix” their mistakes.  We realized that it is better to let them make some bad choices with a few dollars – and learn from it – than to make bad choices later on with many more dollars.

What about debt?  The Bible teaches us not to become a slave to debt, and this is certainly something our children need to learn.  On extremely rare occasions, when there was a particular item that one of our children wanted, we would let him “borrow ahead” to purchase it, in large part so he would learn about debt first-hand.  We were very strict about re-payment, and when the child saw how little was left from each week’s allowance after tithe, savings, and debt payments were taken out, he soon learned to find debt a burden and something to be avoided.  Planning ahead and waiting to purchase what he wanted seemed a much better option.

All of this may sound good and helpful, but we don’t want our children to give only because we say so, and to scheme to get the very most for themselves from their money.  The most important element in teaching our children to manage money is to teach them about God’s gift of salvation for them through the death, burial, and resurrection of His Son Jesus.  We demonstrate His life in us daily before them, and we pray earnestly for their salvation.  When they do make the choice to follow Jesus, His Spirit in them will guide them in all their life decisions, including how they handle the money and possessions He has given them.  Only then can they know the true joy of obedient giving and of living a life of discipline and service to their families and others.

Elizabeth Owens is the wife of Waylan Owens, Dean of the School of Church and Family Ministries,  the mother of Blayne, Joshua, Grace, and Mary, and the mother-in-law of Cari.  She has served as a nurse, a pastor’s wife, and a professor’s wife, and is in her 18th year of homeschooling. She enjoys reading books and drinking tea – especially at the same time!

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